The Emptiness Inside

PSA: I will take this moment to express that I’ve been battling severe depression most of my life. Depressions strong grasp caught me in adolescence beginning around 5th grade. I fall in and out of ruts like anyone, some more difficult than others but I’ve always made my way out; sometimes with my own strength or with the help of others.  My writing style when I’m in those ruts is dark, depressing and full of self-loathing. The point of this blog is to be 100% true to not only myself, but to my readers. This space is safe, regardless of the “hate” that will leak through the cracks. This space is a home to anyone who has gone through any struggles both in the past, present or fear for the future. I will openly write on my bad days, unveil the world of depression. It is a world hidden in between reality, most often felt but rarely seen or spoken about. I will shed everything, I will write the dark horrible thoughts that consume me and I will not care for the judgment of others, for then if I do I won’t ever find peace within myself. 
Stuck in a perpetual rut, artistically blocked. Passion vanished and self-doubt consumes my every action. This past year has been difficult in every aspect of my life; both personal and professional. Feeling lost in a world where I don’t belong. So many wants, but no drive to achieve. Through the days I’ve become callouses, hateful… apathetic. A cloud of sadness blankets my motives and thoughts creating an increasingly more difficult reality to build in. I am my own worse enemy, allowing others to further fuel the growing self-loathing fire within, blanketing my soul in its dark soot. Then the immense amount of guilt, the demons crashing, colliding within. The world is in discord and here I am filled with self-pity complaining about otherwise very selfish minuscule day to day occurrences. Small hiccups that radiate and ripple large craters in my heart.

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